Friday, November 20, 2009

pigeons on the grass alas

b-blind item: this m.a.r.s. resident had an existential crisis when seeing h--self drinking a pabst blue ribbon tall boy and wearing an ironic t-shirt, all the while attending a williamsburg warehouse party. after realizing this, x remarked, "who am i?" it was a good night, though.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

heres some sick 1994 video by the crash test dummies hey weird all covers this shit you know!!

3 memebers of Mars experienced alien electric blue flashes that lit up the entire (b)east-side tonight was a meteor shower...the aliens were proabaly trying to communicate... we shall report back with our supernatural powerz next week.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Borrowed from the MJT

The Lives of Perfect Creatures

"All the universe is full of the lives of perfect creatures."

- Constantine Tsiolkovski

On November 3, 1957, just 30 days after the first ever man-made object entered into earth orbit, the Soviet Union launched a second "artificial moon." Born aloft by a proto-Vostok launch vehicle to an altitude of 934 miles, Sputnik II was not only substantially larger than its predecessor, but also differed in so far as its payload was not just limited to instrumentation and telemetry, but included a living being - the first ever earth-born creature to leave our planet and enter into the cosmic vacuum.This first earth-born creature to leave the earth was, of course, the famed Laika (barker), whose flight commanded the attention of the entire world. Between 1959 and 1961, 10 more dogs in 6 separate missions followed Laika's courageous example culminating in the flight of Zvezdochka (daughter of the stars), who, in the mute company of Ivan Ivanovich, a human mannequin, made a single orbit flight in final preparation for April 12, 1961, that historic day, when, proven tenable by the dogs, Yuri Gagarin was launched into space in the first human extra-terrestrial flight.The dogs of the space program were all female, mixed breeds found on the streets of Moscow. Selected for their size and temperament, the chosen dogs underwent extensive training by behaviorist Gregor Garzenko to enable them to withstand the tremendous noise, extreme motion, and severe forces of a Vostok rocket launch as well as to help them become accustomed to the pressurized suits and capsules necessary for extra-terrestrial travel.While Laika, as well as four subsequent canines and a rabbit, did not return from their travels, the majority of the missions were spectacularly successful. Belka (Whitey) and Strelka (Little Arrow), accompanied by 40 mice, 2 rats, and a number of plants, became the first beings to safely return from space after seventeen orbits of the planet. Strelka later gave birth to a litter of 6 healthy pups, one of whom was presented to the young Caroline Kennedy by Nikita Kruschev as a gift from the Soviet peoples.


We drank slowly when we thought empty was an erogenous zone we would be called upon to map. At our interdisciplinary height: our inhibitions. The thing we are best at doing everywhere is not doing. What we had wrapped tightly of the body talked itself up in all our favorite papers, our billboards, in our centers and our education, in our writing. I mean that highly accessible, popularized and permissible sex everywhere is the absence of sex anywhere. A representation is necessarily false. The erotic exists as its persecution does. And only when its persecution does. Protestantism in check is wonderful for sex (don't forget that both the classic catholic school girl fetish AND the daddy fetish are born of this particular constraint). Protestantism without its stick; unchecked and perverted into militant veganism (think abstinence, think lent), political martyrdom (Sacco and Vanzetti died for our sins) and cleanliness (workshops for hipsters on the proper way to sterilize our recycled-material, toxin-free vibrators).

Every time you eat a gluten-free, dildo-shaped cupcake, a young person looses their hard-on.
The R in MARS


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

If only mars knew you in wax too


4 da homegirls

for those of you who didn't accept "jem" in boggle

also, S., i got a laserdisc player and some silent soviet films on laserdisc today (on the blue chair). i thought a cool thing to do for fundraising would be 'lazer zeppelin on laser disc' nights where we could play live music to silent films on laserdisc.

Friday, November 6, 2009

didn't ask you to sing along

i think a boy in my class has a crush on me. i don't know what to do about that.

that girl who won't stop texting me threatened to shoot me if i didn't hang out with her. it was a joke, but it still made me feel uncomfortable.

i've always been on the opposite side, and i wouldn't have known i'd be in this position ever. when the feeling isn't mutual it really doesn't feel good. this situation sucks.

S-e-x-y 1-2-3-4


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

buggy expulsion


Monday, November 2, 2009

The mars team celebrates Halloween!

The adventures of Weird Sal, Bdork, Ace Ventura, and the Art Critic!